Of course, we all know that the lives of secret agents are not much like this at all. But their cars, yes---- driving a fast sleek European convertible, that's the ticket!
So, at the ripe age of 14 I focused on what I considered the most beautiful automotive image, the most unique and rare. And the finest example I found was in the mysterious little car driven by secret agent Emma Peel. Every Thursday night I tuned into the 60's English spy TV series The Avengers, mouth hanging open whenever I saw Mrs. Peel peel down the English countryside in her pocket rocket on wheels.........I didn't even know the name of the car, just that it looked and sounded FANTASTIC. Was it a Ferrari, a Maserati, or what was it!?! Who cared!!! Zoooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man! If I could just have one of those cars, I would be in heaven!
Finally, in one episode, there was a side shot of the car, and suddenly I knew!! I had seen a picture of the car in the yellow pages, and I instantly ran into the kitchen during the commercial. I quickly thumbed through the pages of Automotive Dealers- New Cars---------- and there was the picture of the mystery car... it was a
I tore out the yellow pages ad and made my plans for Saturday. I could hardly sit through my classes at school. I shared my discovery with my friend Victor-"It's a Lotus!" Victor and I spent most of our class time not paying attention to the teacher's lessons, but by filling three ring notebook pages with drawings of cars. We drew wild cars, fast cars, and soon I would be drawing Lotus cars.
Saturday arrived and I got my pants clips and took off on my bike. It was going to be a long, long ride. The Lotus dealer- the only one in Colorado as it turned out- was about fifteen miles away in Englewood. The furthest I had ever ventured to ride my bike. But nothing was going to hold me back.
After a long ride, up and down some pretty good sized hills, across some major roadways, I arrived----and there she was in the showroom-------A brand new 1967 Lotus Elan roadster, just like the one Emma Peel drove.
This was absolutely the coolest car in the universe, no doubt about it. There were more expensive cars and faster cars, but this Lotus Elan was the coolest and most beautiful. The epitome of modern sleek styling. Intimate. Ultimate Cool.
In person, the car was indeed very small, the tiniest car I had ever seen in fact. Only a two seater, the top of the roof of the car was barely over a yard tall. This was a street legal luxury race car, no doubt about it. Subsequent investigation into car magazines and books told the story.........
The Lotus Elan was the brainchild of Colin Chapman, an English airplane engineer turned into race car designer. He had started in simple uphill car climbs in nothing more than little British jalopies, soon building his own car from scratch. In no time at all he was competing against some of the best in Europe in cars he designed himself and built at home. Before long he had created one of the most enduring and imitated of all race car designs, the Lotus Super 7, driven by thousands of enthusiasts world today, still competing, 45 years later. By the early 60's Chapman had created a production car that would outhandle nearly anything on the road at any price- this was the Lotus Elan. Priced to compete with Jaguars and Corvettes, it wasn't quite as fast in a straight line, but passed everything in the corners.
As for styling, it's design is timeless. The reviews in all the car magazines were wonderful. It was a fragile car requiring loving care. You certainly couldn't take it in to the corner gas station for repairs. They made very few of these handbuilt cars--- in ten years, less than 10,000 were ever made of all the Elans, 1962-72. Only 1200 of the best- S2's from 1964-66. They were rare gems. the lightest and the fastest, and the prettiest. I was in love.
Of course, back then, a new Elan cost $5280, a very considerable fortune. More than a 14 year old could realistically get his hands on, even by the time I was old enough to drive. Even by the time I was 21. Or older.
So, as in many things in life------ the Elan got away.
But I never forgot the thrill of the dream. I continued to read about the rare Lotus' in books and magazines, and the occassional glimpse in the movies or TV. James Bond eventually drove a Lotus- one that doubled as a submarine! Never very far away was a picture of an Elan, somewhere in my drawer, or hanging in the closet. One day. One day.
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Spring 1998
My friend John calls me up, "Neil let's get together for a goal meeting". So we meet for coffee at the local hangout. Both of us still trying to accomplish goals in life that have thus far escaped us. John is teaching college, I am teaching music privately. We sit down and decide what we each want to do, what things in this life we haven't experienced, things we feel we would be cheated in this life if we missed.
John says "I'm gonna pay off all my cards this year."
I say, "I'm gonna pay off all my cards--------, and figure out a way with my brain to buy one of these........" and I pull out of my pocket a little model car that I've just spent a week putting together. It is a plastic model of a 1966 Lotus Elan roadster.
We laugh, drink our coffee and imagine how great it will be.
Over the next year, I faithfully go into the Tattered Cover Book Store every month and look through Hemming's Motor News. This is a small soft cover almanac where people list every conceivable car for sale across the US and Canada. No matter what kind of weird ass transportation you are looking for, it's in this book. Cars of every make, model, year, and style-if you want it, somebody has one for sale in Hemmings.
Of course, I skip straight to the ' "L" Cars for Sale'. L for Lotus. Lotus of every make and model are in there from the early Sevens, to the latest Turbo Esprits. Lotus' that are falling apart in need of loving care for cheap, or completely restored rocket ships for ridiculous sums. I fantasize and think "Oh, that would be a nice one!"
Summer comes and I actually spot one for sale in Colorado, and drive a hundred miles to test drive it (knowing full well I didn't have the money). This car was way up in the mountains, and I drove well into the forest, down a dirt road, miles and miles in until I came to a dead end. Nothing but trees, pine cones, one lonely log cabin--------and parked in front of it, a simply beautiful 1972 Lotus Elan. How bizarre. The last place, the absolute last place you would ever think to find one of these cars.
The owner probably read my mind pretty good, and figured I was wishing out loud, but he let me drive it anyway on some twisty paved mountain roads. It was only the second time I had ever actually driven an Elan. The first time was when I was eighteen, and a fellow in some closer to home mountains let me drive his. This car seemed twice as fast. It was euphoric. It was automotive heroin.
I knew that particular car would escape my grip, but the twenty minutes I drove it left a smile on my face for a week.
June 1999
I'm sitting in the magazine section at The Tattered Cover, and spot it. In Hemmings, there is a 1966 Lotus Elan roadster, restored, with a custom engine rebuild. This is undoubtedly the fastest most beautiful S2 possible. Yes, that's the car I want. I must have this car. Once I have this car, I can die happy!
Of course, though many of my bills had been paid over the previous year since my goal meeting with John, I still didn't have the money this sweet little car demanded. Never the less, I dialed the fellow in Canada who had the car, and got the details. "Yes, it sounds like the perfect car for me, but I don't have the money right yet. Maybe in a few months, I'll let you know." Damn!
I had been doing radio shows, and working VERY hard writing and mailing books to people, but still, this dream was still beyond my grasp. Yet, this was exactly THE car, THE Elan, THE dream come true.
The Next Day
Art Bell calls and says "Would you like to do an interview in a couple of days?" Three days later we have a fine, fine discussion on his show, and people respond. Like mad. I get orders for a zillion books.
I buy The Lotus.
Neil Slade wrote: So the car (the Lotus Elan) has been here for about a week. It has not been a fantasy dream come true thus far by even the farthest stretch of imagination. It's been trial by fire......This is to say it was not completely finished when it arrived, about 75%. I was promised by the seller a car that needed "another 20 to 25 hours of work to finish". Thus far I have spent about 120, and thousands of dollars in parts. Moral: don't trust anyone.
Anyway, I can handle the rest as I have good friends who own similar cars, and I have sufficient money for parts. This week, I had to take out the gas tank as it was completely clogged with corrosion from sitting in a cow pasture for 20 years next to a barn in Canada. I kid you not. "Today's Lotus Surprise" was filling the brake system with fluid, and have it all gushing out the "new" brake line the former owner fitted. A brake line for an American car, by the way, will not work in an English car. Guess what kind of brake line was fitted? It rhymes with Fustang.
The guys at the Lotus parts store in San Francisco love me.
Fortunately, the body is in great shape, and the engine is new, along with the suspension and the rest of the brake system. It looks like that stuff will work. I hope I can have the rest sorted out within a week. The electrical wiring is way beyond me, and of course, considerably screwed up, again previous owner. My friend Vic the expert will fix all of that as soon as I can actually drive the thing over to his house once I put the gas tank back in and fit a correct brake line. I am making a list of "surprise" repairs which I will be emailing "Dave from Canada", and demanding (he's agreed thus far) to be refunded the costs. If not, I am taking a plane and a shotgun to Calgary. Thought you would find this all amusing.
And then later:
The Lotus has been the most gigantic, biggest, most frustrating headache in the universe. However, problems seem to be over-- for now. I have worked on that car NONSTOP since I got it. Even this morning, I had an appointment to take it to the British car fix-up place to get the oil pump replaced and the clutch fixed--- and it took me 4 1/2 hours to get it started. Why? It took that long to figure out- after replacing the ignition coil, attaching an oil pan heater, charging the battery over and over, jump starting the car, etc etc etc----- I finally figured out that I had loosened one measly wire attached to the ignition switch on the dashboard that was preventing any spark from getting to the plugs. ARRGGHGHGUGHGUGHH! When I finally went to pick it up, they handed me the keys and told me that they refused to work on the car-they didn't want to be responsible if a wheel fell off or something.
But when the car works-- oh did I tell you the back wheel came off while driving across Cherry Creek Dam at 35 mph at 11:30 at night a couple of weeks ago?---- anyway, when the car works, it is like automotive LSD. Nothing else like it, no Porsche, no Jaguar, nothing drives like this car. Kind of like what it is like to date a really beautiful woman---- great while it lasts, but very costly on many fronts, and nearly impossible to keep going.
So anyway, I finally made it down to the shop, and they gave me a lift home and will work on it tomorrow. TODAY'S LOTUS ADVENTURE---- while I'm in the parking lot at the shop, I open the passenger side door-----and it comes off.
You see, Lotus door hinges are like no other, they are actually little plastic buttons bolted on to the door, that friction fit into little matching depressions (how appropriate) molded into the body. Well, my buttons were loose (have been since I got the car), and so the door finally just popped off in my hand (second time this week). The good part is, they had the tools I needed to put the door back on, and actually properly adjust it so it fit good and tight, and wouldn't come off again-- at least not for 6 months. So that's one more thing done on my check list. I wonder what will fall off tomorrow?............
Well, the car is running pretty well at last, all of the major problems fixed. It is a blast to drive, no doubt about it. But HOW MUCH fun is it really?
Compared with playing music well, I mean really playing well, it's only five on a scale of ten. Nothing beats being creative with your hands. Driving even the best car in the world, is still just driving a car.
And so I would guess it is the same for most of the other BIG ICE CREAM CONES IN THE SKY. Something tells me that no matter what it is, accomplishments, climbing Mt. Everest, being the most fabulously rich or good looking person in the universe, even being the most talented, being the most loved, being the best anything-----------
It's never all that great------ or that much better than being as good as just being who you are, right here, right now, with what you've got.